Page 173: This. Weekdays.

This week has been a roller coaster week. Full of ups and down. The amount of laughter and tears seemed to be very balance this week. Two birthdays celebration this week, 1 assignment due, and 1 presentation that was canceled last minute. That conclude my week. Mixture of feelings and there's just too much happenings these days. 

#1 Ohaii this is Khairul, I guess you seen a lot of him in my previous post. haha! Are you bored of him already?! He is one awesome friend, a caring one that is always there for me. Just saying. It was Kamal's birthday, and we went to get a last minute present for him @Jusco coz there's free wrapping service. lol, aunty's thinking. Made him pose with the pressie which was a shampoo lolololol for the curly/afro hair Kamal. hee! *felt so evil. and Kamal tried to make me feel guilty for 2 consecutive days for buying him a shampoo that would spoil his hair. Still feeling funny buying shampoo as a gift. Some of the classmates bought him comb, lolololol!!! (: 

#2 Kamal's birthday cake. Whoops. kinda hungry now. D: 

#3 A friend hand-made present for Carol. Extremely impressive! Awwww! 

#4 Went one-u to celebrate Carol's birthday at Hui Lau Shan. 30 people crowding the small place and each of us had overdose mango dessert. Carol's Stitch cake was definitely impressive too! Huge cake huge stitch which attracted so many passerby to stop and take a look at her cake. Ohh-sum much! 

#5 Went to Chili's with a friend and had a great lunch with happy stomach. Totally stress relieving after handing in the last assignment for the semester. The Chicken Quesadillas tasted yummeh! Very filling indeed. 

#6 Southwestern Grilled Lamb. Ohhh look at the meat. *drooling. I guess we had fun cutting the meat. It's so time-consuming and uhh, almost gave up eating it. haha! I guess there is a need to learn how to cut the lamb already. haha! 

That's the summary of my weekdays. Grateful to have friends by my side and being my happy therapy. I can make it through the next few weeks. I think. x 

Page 171: Uncontrollable

Emotional. I am way too emotional that I cry over every lil thing. I breakdown again. In the public. Wearing the same shirt, same pants and same slipper when I breakdown 2 weeks ago. Stream of tears flowed, it felt warm. It flowed endlessly and finally it stopped after awhile. I find it hard to control. A friend asked me why have I been crying so much these days. I told her I was too stressful. She said I wasn't like this last time. I told her maybe I was not stress last time. Which I think my answer was a total nonsense. Her words made me think. Something is seriously wrong with me. Have I changed? Since when did I started to show my sadness in public. Since when did I started to show how weak am I to everyone. I did laughed when I cried. I did laughed at lil' things after I cried. But still the friend constantly think I look so depressed that when she looked at me, she felt depressed. Am feeling so low. I am not strong. I felt like a glass, something so fragile that it can break easily. When can I learn how to be strong. 

On the other side, I got myself Java Chip frappucino before heading home. Something to cheer me up. x

Page 168

Thanks bro for this souvenir all the way from US. x 

“Life is a question of nerves, and fibres, and slowly built-up cells in which thought hides itself and passion has its dreams. You may fancy yourself safe and think yourself strong. But a chance tone of color in a room or a morning sky, a particular perfume that you had once loved and that brings subtle memories with it, a line from a forgotten poem that you had come across again, a cadence from a piece of music that you had ceased to play. I tell you, that it is on things like these that our lives depend.”

Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Page 165: Quotes that I pretty agree

“People think they know you. They think they know how you’re handling a situation. But the truth is no one knows. No one knows what happens after you leave them, when you’re lying in bed or sitting over your breakfast alone and all you want to do is cry or scream. They don’t know what’s going on inside your head — the mind-numbing cocktail of anger and sadness and guilt. This isn’t their fault. They just don’t know. And so they pretend and they say you’re doing great when you’re really not. And this makes everyone feel better. Everybody but you.” 

Haven't been blogging for sometime. Had been busy since the assignment workload is a lot. like freaking A LOT that I am suffocating. Last week I stayed back in uni until 10pm everyday working on the same assignment for more than 10 hours a day. Getting frustrated of doing the same assignment and it seemed to be nowhere. Struggling with it. Sweets were my best friend that week, countless sweets that I kept popping them into my mouth. We were still struggling minutes before submission. Only with the helped of the unimates we managed to submit our assignment which was pretty in a mess at like minutes before the submission time. It was like an amazing race with our friends holding that important sealed envelope with the precious papers inside running towards the office to drop the assignment. Lecturer was laughing evilly enjoying himself saying that he should have brought along his camera to capture this moment. That panic moment, that stress moment that have been going on for weeks, I breakdown immediately I came out of the office. The tears that flowed, that heartache that I felt, friends looking at me trying to console me. I went to the toilet and continue letting it out, it seems like it did not want to stop. That moment when people started talking about something, and my tears felt like it's flowing again. Am pretty much emotional that day and I blame myself for not controlling myself. But am grateful to have the awesomest unimates ever. Then I went dinner with few of them, we had good food, we had good laugh that I put down everything that night, stopping myself to not thinking about it. The next day I woke up, I sat on my bed, staring on the walls blankly thinking of it again. 

Few days ago, the boy pretty made me felt so helpless. Getting scolded, not sure what can I do, nothing that I can do. I was so depress I ranted to my friend. The friend gave me so many suggestions, consoling me. I did not felt better after that, I was worrying all the time. It went to the extend that I hallucinate hearing the sound when there isn't any sound actually. and I went to bed when I couldn't stay awake anymore. These days I have been pretty emotional. Too many ups and downs. There are still a few more assignments to go. Pending. and finals is around the corner. I really  need to pick up myself and start focusing. I need to handle my emotions well. Maybe focusing on food is a good idea too, having food as motivation. The only thing that makes me happy. So yeah, that's explained the picture above. Mum bought a whole new bottle of Nutella from the airport, different packaging from the one she bought from the sundry shop here. It looks better in glass bottle, therefore it taste better too. :) 

“For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are that you’re not going to be very happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.”

Food. Friends. Family. Food. :)