When being happy ain't easy anymore

Hey there, writing like a total pessimist today. Negative thoughts have been flooded my mind since forever. Today, I woke up with the thought of I don't deserve to be happy. Anxiety has been living inside me and I find it hard to get rid of the worrying thoughts. My best friends have been very supportive and encouraging. Still, I couldn't stop myself from being a negative thinker. It's like a habit that I pick up since sometime ago and I will take forever to get rid of it.

I guess most of you have heard all these sayings about "Don't worry, be happy" // "If you want to be happy, then be". Reality hurts like a bang, it ain't easy not to worry and just be happy if we want. You just can't simply put on a smile if you don't feel so, faking a smile sometimes seems harder than ever. The truth is there will be no sunshine everyday. I understand that as cliche as it sounds like, it's life that we have to go through all sorts of ups and downs, and that's how we learn to grow up. However, picking up the broken pieces ain't easy. Even if it's a broken mirror that you try to fix it back, it can no longer be the same perfect mirror anymore.

Sometimes, I just think. Maybe I don't deserve to be happy.