#176: Arguments

Something like this will always happen. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" --> "I thought you knew about it".  Arguments tend to happen just because of the minor-est thing. and sometimes, 

miscommunication is the root of all arguments.

So I was a lil' angry with my significant other before dinner and I got so frustrated about it. I walked away hoping to clear my mind, and the next moment I was thinking it's not a big matter after all. In fact I realized that the reason that I am angry doesn't make sense at all. Why would I got myself so angry and frustrated just because we have different opinions. 

The thing about relationship is, we are still two different individuals, we have our own thinking and our own way of doing things. We might argue over the smallest, littlest, silliest things ever, which these are just something that helped us in understanding each other. At the same time, bringing two different minds into the same equilibrium. and these reasons made arguments into a good after effect in the end, we learned more bout ourselves and each other at the same time bringing us closer together. 

I was at the wrong, and I apologize immediately when I managed to cool things down. Things didn't got worst, and we had our dinner peacefully. Sometimes, arguments are good for relationship. These unhappiness might would just make two person understand each other better. Sometimes it's not the happy moments that build the relationship. The unhappy moments certainly do weigh a lot in it too. 

Page 261: Small Lil' Things

I have always thought am someone that could express myself and sometimes I just think I took things too easily. I have always thought that I could just be happy, sad, angry or numb whenever I want and I could express them out so that people would know how I feel. I thought it's just so simple to tell someone thank you for making me happy. It is. Indeed. I thought it's just so simple to tell someone i am sad. I thought it's just so simple to just confront people that make me angry. I thought it's just so simple to just saying I like this and I don't like that.I thought I am just so straight-forward like that and I thought things are this simple that once I said it out, everything could be solved. I guess am wrong, I don't know myself at all. I get so into it and I get very upset. I spend time thinking about it, I asked around about it, I would still find myself trap inside. It's not easy at all. My friend once told me I take things too easily, and everything is complicated. It's not simple. at all. He told me things are naturally complicated, they are complicated. Sigh, am very confuse. I need to let it go. On a bright side, I still find small lil' things bring happiness to me. Something small but could still put a smile on my face. 

Chatime delivery from Chloe  ♥

Ze friend's homemade mooncake. Aww  ♥

Page 260: Choosing to believe

Dadali - Disaat Aku Mencintaimu #nowplaying

That day I was in the friend's car and his car has loads of emo love songs and they are all old songs, wonder which era are those songs. So I asked him this question "Why is there forever love when nothing is permanent?" It's a contradict. People used to say forever love, for me I used to say infinity love. But at the same time, we also believe in nothing is permanent. Everything is temporary. I am kinda confused or maybe am too free that I think so much. Fml. D: So he explained his interpretation that people do know nothing is permanent, but forever love is just something that a guy used to express his love to a girl and since it's widely used, it's kinda like a trend. I mean I accepted his explanation, people choose to believe when deep inside they do know nothing last forever. Today, I asked my bff the same question, and she told me that she believes in forever love and that people will live happily ever after. It's a matter of choosing to believe. We don't know what's the reality, since everyone will goes through different thing and everyone has their own story to tell. Sometimes, you would think maybe it's a matter or reality vs. virtual. Something that you have created inside you. You know it's not true, but you just think it will be like that. Ahh it's so confusing. I dislike myself for thinking so much and what more when there's no actual answer for this. Nevertheless, it's a good question to think about. Isn't it? It makes you redefined what's life to you. I have learned to find happiness just from small lil' things. Just like the coffee art, something so simple, so pretty, that could just put a smile on my face even by staring at the picture. :) 

Page 221: If time stands still

#1 I re-arranged all the clothes in my wardrobe. I think I've nothing better to do. From left, some casual dresses, to my favorite polka-dots collection, my favorite chiffon shirts, my favourite button shirts and knitted sweaters. 

#2 My long-pants! 5 black long pants and 2 blue-jeans. That is why you always see me in black long pants in uni. Mum insisted that I have to wear long pants to uni. So no shorts at all. :)

#3 Ahh, this BRATs shirt that left me with so many good memories back in 2007. 4 days camp seemed like it's has been a part of me already. Reminiscence. 

*********************************************************************************************

Can't Go Back - Rosi Golan #nowplaying 

"When people don't express themselves, they die one piece at a time. You'd be shocked at how many adults are really dead inside - walking through their days with no idea who they are, just waiting for a heart attack or cancer or a Mack truck to come along and finish the job. It's the saddest thing I know." 

-Laurie Halse Anderson 

As usual, I read up on quotes again. and as usual I find quotes that reflect the truth in me. Mood swing. How many times have I been faking my answer that I am fine when I am actually not at all. Pretending is easy, but every time i die a lil' inside. I write to release. But I struggle with the words if the words would reflect my true feelings. The buddy talked to me yesterday, but I replied coldly telling him that I am not in the mood. He understands me well knowing that I would continue replied coldly to whatever he would ask, he said okay and left me alone with my thoughts. The bestie told me yesterday that she wants to escape to somewhere not knowing where, but she continued with this question if anyone would miss her if she's gone to somewhere else. and I told her "noooo, I would miss you". But at the same time, I was thinking if I could also escape to somewhere, if only I could. I have been very different for this whole month, I wish I knew what to do with myself. 

"Sometimes I wish I never had to sleep. Sometimes I think that if I stay very, very still, if I never move at all, things will change. I think if I freeze myself I can freeze the pain. Sometimes I won't move for hours. I will not move an inch. If time stands still nothing can go wrong." 

-Taherah Mafi 

If. 

But "Some things you can't go back to, some things need left alone" 

Page 220: Pain

"Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it's a big part, and sometimes it isn't, but either way, it's a part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: it teaches you, tells you that you're alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes, it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another."

Jim Butcher 

I spent most of my time reading quotes. I love how these quotes reflect certain truth in life and reminds me of something that later inspire me to write. So here I am, writing. More like typing thou. Heh. It's gonna be daddy again. Perhaps his death anniversary is approaching, am writing so much about dad lately. I flipped through the newspaper yesterday morning, I read about this inspiring article "Goodbye Mum"  and I thought maybe I should write about daddy.

So yeah, a long-winded one. It's gonna be the day daddy left. I remember that morning, daddy was opening the gate for us as early as 645am perhaps or 7am. Mum sent me to school that day, no school-bus day! and I couldn't remember if I wave goodbye to dad, but that was the last time I see him. I regretted not waving goodbye, I think I did not. I regretted not saying "daddy i love you" before I left to school. I regretted not hugging daddy before I left to school. Ahhh, perhaps these have left me using so much of "loves" at the end of conversation or putting "heart" emoticon. Till the extend I thought I was too generous with it. Back to story, so I came home by school bus as usual. Only to receive a called from mum telling me that bro accompanied daddy to check up and daddy had to be admitted to the hospital for further check-up. The word "check-up" didn't gave me much effect as I thought am gonna see dad the next day, no big deal. Having to be admitted to CCU, we were not aware at all of the term. Daddy called asking us not to visit him as there's nothing to worry since he will be coming home the next day, so yeah we didn't visit him. Every night, I would be doing my homework in my room while mum would be downstairs doing her work. and I remember it's 930pm, the phone rang and the nurse said we need to rush to the hospital as soon as possible. Here comes the drama, everything was just exactly like how we seen from the drama. We rushed into the car, bro drove as fast as he could, and there was a bad jam leading to the hospital. Damn it, and hazard light was on all the way. We put our car aside, didn't even bother to park it properly and we literally ran through the cold corridors. Until we reached there, the doctor said "sorry, it's too late". Perhaps I was too young to understand death, I didn't know how to respond. There wasn't tears flowing when the doctor pronounced that daddy had officially left us, he didn't even got to see us for the last time. But we knew that he was waiting for us. I was stunned, I gave him a last hug with all the tubes were still on his cold body. That night was difficult, I went home and only then I cried so much like I felt a knife was stabbed into my heart. That was my first time understanding the meaning of heartache. It was so pain that I don't know what to do with it. That's about it. We survived through the days without daddy by having loads of relatives and friends constantly consoling us. It was difficult, my tears fall every morning on the way to school for sometime. That's when I guess I started learning not to show my sadness in public, those smiles and laughter that I put on. I was much stronger that time. I still think of dad on and off. I let go of myself allowing the tears to flow at night whenever I think of him before going to sleep. Losing someone so close ain't easy at all. Days were tough without someone that you have been relying on all these while. I am so proud with mum for she being so brave and optimistic. We wouldn't have walked through these tough days without the family and friends. I am always grateful for having them. It's been 7 years now, daddy I still think of you for you are always in my heart. You know what, that special place that you have in my heart, no one would ever replace you. The true Always & Forever. 

Losing daddy has taught me a lot in life, at least to be strong. But it seems that I am back to basic again, I show my sadness so easily in public. I no longer hide my sadness, I would just blabbered it off to my close friends that I think I annoyed them a lot with my sadness. Sorry mates. I am not strong anymore. 

Brain and mind - the root of all sickness. :(

and 400km? I never like that. Damn the distant. 

Page 183

On friday, me and mum couldn't decide what to eat for dinner. What to eat is forever a problem. D: and we came across this restaurant, pretty attracted by the frontage of the restaurant and so we went in. Amazed with the interior, very homely ambience and vintage much. Those photo frames, those furniture, those tea set. Thought wanna have penang hawker food for din din, only to find out that they only serve the hawker food during lunch time from 12pm-3pm. So we went ahead ordering the homemade tofu and kangkung belacan. The homemade tofu tasted uniquely, some taste that I couldn't describe. But the texture was good. Crispy and soft. I pretty like the kangkung belacan. Yummeh! Needa go back there sometime later to give the penang hawker food a try. 

Penang Hawker Food & Nyonya Cuisine @ The Wok Cafe

http://thewokcafekl.blogspot.com/

So today, my mood changes every minute. How scary is that. But waking up to a good morning text from the bff and also a good afternoon text from a friend made my day. They are awesome! :DDD Am turning into a lack of attention, demanding girl this week. I wonder how. But please bear with me. Attached. Pampered and spoilt isn't it. 

Happy Monday. Monday blues is really eeeek D: 

Till then. x 

Page 182: Mess up emotions

4 days more till exam. This is the time where panic strike and the stress up feeling that two of these feelings jumbled up and leave me suffocating. All the thoughts of insecurity. All the what ifs questions. There are just too many of them. 

Most of the time I feel that I have extremes emotions. There are times I feel happy/hyper without reason that I could sing along whole day. There are times where I feel very low just like the Flo Rida's song that I could cry anytime, anywhere. I felt like a glass, so fragile that it is easily break. I used to enjoy being alone. I could cope with being alone that I enjoyed every moment of it. I felt detached that time. Detached on everything or anything that I could leave my mobile shut off and kept it in the mess of my wardrobe. I could talk to myself, sing to myself in this empty house. That was the time when I felt so tired with people, the exhaustion and that struggle to be around people. The smile that I put on just to tell people I am fine. 

This time it's the opposite. I showed my sadness so easily in the public. I felt so weak. I felt so dependent. I felt so attached. I need people around all the time. This time everything felt different. and I couldn't figure out these coming and going emotions. I felt so mess up. 

But it was wonderful knowing that I could sleep it off at night pushing away all the problems. and how wonderful to receive good morning text from the friends and also how wonderful to know that there are still people being friends with me despite the whole mess I am. and also how wonderful it is to have friends that still care about me. 

I don't know how long this feeling would last. Maybe the next time it would back to the times where I felt detached. I just don't know. Telling myself to be strong over and over again, it seems like nothing has change. I am weaker than I thought. 

Page 173: This. Weekdays.

This week has been a roller coaster week. Full of ups and down. The amount of laughter and tears seemed to be very balance this week. Two birthdays celebration this week, 1 assignment due, and 1 presentation that was canceled last minute. That conclude my week. Mixture of feelings and there's just too much happenings these days. 

#1 Ohaii this is Khairul, I guess you seen a lot of him in my previous post. haha! Are you bored of him already?! He is one awesome friend, a caring one that is always there for me. Just saying. It was Kamal's birthday, and we went to get a last minute present for him @Jusco coz there's free wrapping service. lol, aunty's thinking. Made him pose with the pressie which was a shampoo lolololol for the curly/afro hair Kamal. hee! *felt so evil. and Kamal tried to make me feel guilty for 2 consecutive days for buying him a shampoo that would spoil his hair. Still feeling funny buying shampoo as a gift. Some of the classmates bought him comb, lolololol!!! (: 

#2 Kamal's birthday cake. Whoops. kinda hungry now. D: 

#3 A friend hand-made present for Carol. Extremely impressive! Awwww! 

#4 Went one-u to celebrate Carol's birthday at Hui Lau Shan. 30 people crowding the small place and each of us had overdose mango dessert. Carol's Stitch cake was definitely impressive too! Huge cake huge stitch which attracted so many passerby to stop and take a look at her cake. Ohh-sum much! 

#5 Went to Chili's with a friend and had a great lunch with happy stomach. Totally stress relieving after handing in the last assignment for the semester. The Chicken Quesadillas tasted yummeh! Very filling indeed. 

#6 Southwestern Grilled Lamb. Ohhh look at the meat. *drooling. I guess we had fun cutting the meat. It's so time-consuming and uhh, almost gave up eating it. haha! I guess there is a need to learn how to cut the lamb already. haha! 

That's the summary of my weekdays. Grateful to have friends by my side and being my happy therapy. I can make it through the next few weeks. I think. x 

Page 171: Uncontrollable

Emotional. I am way too emotional that I cry over every lil thing. I breakdown again. In the public. Wearing the same shirt, same pants and same slipper when I breakdown 2 weeks ago. Stream of tears flowed, it felt warm. It flowed endlessly and finally it stopped after awhile. I find it hard to control. A friend asked me why have I been crying so much these days. I told her I was too stressful. She said I wasn't like this last time. I told her maybe I was not stress last time. Which I think my answer was a total nonsense. Her words made me think. Something is seriously wrong with me. Have I changed? Since when did I started to show my sadness in public. Since when did I started to show how weak am I to everyone. I did laughed when I cried. I did laughed at lil' things after I cried. But still the friend constantly think I look so depressed that when she looked at me, she felt depressed. Am feeling so low. I am not strong. I felt like a glass, something so fragile that it can break easily. When can I learn how to be strong. 

On the other side, I got myself Java Chip frappucino before heading home. Something to cheer me up. x

Page 165: Quotes that I pretty agree

“People think they know you. They think they know how you’re handling a situation. But the truth is no one knows. No one knows what happens after you leave them, when you’re lying in bed or sitting over your breakfast alone and all you want to do is cry or scream. They don’t know what’s going on inside your head — the mind-numbing cocktail of anger and sadness and guilt. This isn’t their fault. They just don’t know. And so they pretend and they say you’re doing great when you’re really not. And this makes everyone feel better. Everybody but you.” 

Haven't been blogging for sometime. Had been busy since the assignment workload is a lot. like freaking A LOT that I am suffocating. Last week I stayed back in uni until 10pm everyday working on the same assignment for more than 10 hours a day. Getting frustrated of doing the same assignment and it seemed to be nowhere. Struggling with it. Sweets were my best friend that week, countless sweets that I kept popping them into my mouth. We were still struggling minutes before submission. Only with the helped of the unimates we managed to submit our assignment which was pretty in a mess at like minutes before the submission time. It was like an amazing race with our friends holding that important sealed envelope with the precious papers inside running towards the office to drop the assignment. Lecturer was laughing evilly enjoying himself saying that he should have brought along his camera to capture this moment. That panic moment, that stress moment that have been going on for weeks, I breakdown immediately I came out of the office. The tears that flowed, that heartache that I felt, friends looking at me trying to console me. I went to the toilet and continue letting it out, it seems like it did not want to stop. That moment when people started talking about something, and my tears felt like it's flowing again. Am pretty much emotional that day and I blame myself for not controlling myself. But am grateful to have the awesomest unimates ever. Then I went dinner with few of them, we had good food, we had good laugh that I put down everything that night, stopping myself to not thinking about it. The next day I woke up, I sat on my bed, staring on the walls blankly thinking of it again. 

Few days ago, the boy pretty made me felt so helpless. Getting scolded, not sure what can I do, nothing that I can do. I was so depress I ranted to my friend. The friend gave me so many suggestions, consoling me. I did not felt better after that, I was worrying all the time. It went to the extend that I hallucinate hearing the sound when there isn't any sound actually. and I went to bed when I couldn't stay awake anymore. These days I have been pretty emotional. Too many ups and downs. There are still a few more assignments to go. Pending. and finals is around the corner. I really  need to pick up myself and start focusing. I need to handle my emotions well. Maybe focusing on food is a good idea too, having food as motivation. The only thing that makes me happy. So yeah, that's explained the picture above. Mum bought a whole new bottle of Nutella from the airport, different packaging from the one she bought from the sundry shop here. It looks better in glass bottle, therefore it taste better too. :) 

“For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are that you’re not going to be very happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.”

Food. Friends. Family. Food. :) 

Page 132 : Stay Calm

Sick. Fed up. Frustrated. Depressed.

I am sick with myself and people who always to pretend to be okay when we are not. Why do we always have to be like that? Is it really that difficult to admit that you are not okay and you need help? Is it really difficult to reject other people. I am really tired of this, I can't change myself and I am telling people not to pretend to be okay when they are not.

To me and also others: Just tell if you cannot handle it anymore. There will be no harm. 

(This has been in my draft, finally deciding to post this up) 

*******************************************************************************

On a happy side: 

Am sure I can do this. x 

Page 87: Uncertainties

Today is a tough day. Spending more than 11 hours in uni but most of the hours spent were torturing, filled with fear and lost. I am grateful to have Graceey and Elaineey with me today. Thankyou dearies for being the courage in me, I don't know what to do without both of you. Thankyou so much for being there for me. I really need to be strong. 

Page 86: Things just don't stay the way it is

"It has just been one of those days where you just want to give it all up, run away from your life, be someone else." (Pick this up from a blog)

I guess this sentence explains well how am I feeling today. The new semester started today, but everything feels so different. Had been emotionally unstable, most of the time so many thoughts are playing on my mind. I looked into the air and my thoughts are struggling. I wish I could write down exactly what and how am I feeling, it's just that I find it difficult to put it in words.

If you know me well, I never like changes. I like things to stay the way it is. I don't like the feeling of having to adapt again to the whole new situation. Wouldn't things be better if it stays the way it is. Forget about the business world or the world outside, don't tell me crap about the world is constantly changing and we need to this and that as much as we always read that from the text books. I am talking about emotions, feelings and people. I know people are temporary, they don't stay with you forever and nothing stays the same forever. But still why? Why it has to be like that. I always hated the "what ifs". Urghhh. I think I need to stop doing all the overthinking. Just let it be because there will be an answer. Really? I am kinda lost right now, I need to pick up myself again. :( Coming back to this again, it's just a matter of getting used to it. 

If only I am strong. 

Page 82: Fashion?

 Ohai, yesterday was I don't know how to describe. 1st time attending fashion show and a close shave. Not gonna talk about the close shave thing, thinking of that still making me trembling. But am grateful that I woke up in my comfy bed and see the sunshine today. Hypophrenia hits me. I am feeling sad for no apparent reason. Losing appetite towards food, constantly feeling like tearing and I find most of the things meaningless. Maybe it's just one of those days that I am back to being the pessimist. Apathetic. Imma stop talking about that. 

A friend gave us the tickets and that's how we got the opportunity to watch our first ever fashion show. I mean by sitting there and watching it not like those in the shopping mall. It was interesting, and I wonder how the models walk in such killer heels on those unstable temporary stage and still able to portray the best of the outfit (designs) they were wearing. *salute. These young designers/designers-to-be are really creative and looking at how they design the outfits with recycle stuff just amaze me. They turned recycle stuff, those that we usually throw off into great artwork. Totally amazing. :)

Photo credits to Jo. She captured them all. :)

Page 80: Pretty much about LIFE

Hey there, today has been quiet. Just like yesterday. Woke up and did all the house chores just like a house-maker. Gonna eliminate the word: housewife from my dictionary, that word is a bit too bias. Don't you think so? Let's see what I had been doing today, I know you wouldn't be bothered, but I just need to write them down just to make this post longer. After all, this is all about my theseeverydaystories right? 

So I did the laundry first thing after I woke up, swept and mopped the floor, fed my dog and hang the clothes. You know you are almost there like a house-maker when all you discussed when you see your neigbours' uncle and maid are about the weather. Talking about "oh, today it's sunny, good for the clothes/oh, looks like it's gonna rain, better not hang the clothes outside". See? Conversation like that, that's all that I talked in the morning. 

Finally, making brunch for myself after all the house-chores, boiled water to make coffee, fried egg and tada, coffee and egg for brunch. Then you know what's next? I switched on the TV and read the newspaper doing both at the same time. Then, it's laptop staring time, today it's all about Tiffany Alvord youtube channel. The One That Got Away has been on replay, awww! Getting bored of the laptop, I headed to the bicycle and exercise! Then I picked up a book and then I played the piano for a bit. That's pretty much sum up 3/4 of my day. 

Talking about life, today I came across seeing a few of my friends' friend getting married at our age. I wonder isn't it a bit too early getting married? One of my friend tweeted saying that one of her friend in our age is already having a 2 years old child. That means by the time she's 40 years old, the kid gonna be at our age. And before 50 years old, she would be a grandma then. Erm, that's so scary. My point is our life is just at the beginning, we have yet to do things we like, we are just beginning to wander around what's life about and what we want. Just too scary seeing people getting married at our age. Marriage commitment already?  It's like skipping the young adult phase of life towards the marriage phase already. That's a bit too fast. Very. Scary. Indeed. 

Here, I came across this long quote which I find very meaningful. 

"Life changes every minute of every day. You lose friends and you gain friends. You realize your friend wasn't ever really your friend, and that person you used to hate can make a really good friend. You look for love. You find love and you lose love. You realize all along that you've been loved. You laugh, you cry. You laugh so hard that you cry. You do this, you do that. You really wish you hadn't done that. You then learn from that and are glad that you did. You have your ups and you have your downs. You see good movies and you see bad movies. You wonder if your life is just one big movie. You look at others and wish you were them. You then realize who they are and are glad that you're you. You love life and you hate life. In the end, you just find yourself being happy to be living life, no matter what is thrown at you."

"In the end, you just find yourself being happy to be living life, no matter what is thrown at you."

Someday, I believe I would. Just not now. Someday.  

Reality hurts.

All in a sudden, reality hits at me. I am really not prepare yet. It's gonna be tough and a long way to go. How am I gonna deal with this? All alone? It seemed that I do not have enough courage than I know I have. I thought I could deal with it, but looks like am bothered by the whole thing. Right now, am frustrated and depressed. I couldn't concentrate in doing stuff now. I am afraid, afraid that I won't be able to deal with myself, and everyone else. Insecurities hurts. I really need to pick up the pieces and build them up again. Tell me how? 

Page 66 : Post-Exam

Hello! Officially done with Sem 5 yesterday. Knowing the fact that there's 4 more semesters to go only, I am getting afraid. Afraid of losing all these awesome unimates, all the fun time we had, and going out to the working force. Thinking of that just freak me out. How's the world out there actually like? Bet there's no going class together, having fun in the lecture halls, going for lunch and celebration and also outings together right. 

Yesterday was kinda fun, there's low fun and high fun. I spent like 4 hours in the library at the quiet zone eating my textbook, reading I meant, snoozing off in the beginning because it was so quiet and cold. Spent some gan-jeong hours at cafeteria before going into the exam hall. Spent 3 hours writing on that freaking exam booklet and I've no idea what I wrote. uh oh. Then an hour hanging around in uni, and 20+ of us and  6 cars headed to Klang. Woots, that was fun! Thought of having steamboat but yeah we went there and the shop was not open. So we all stand on the roadside discussing here and there for like some time and ended up just went over to the shop beside for some Western food. I had fried rice (so embarrassing) and my food came last. Awesome or not?! :O 

#1 Oh this is just some random picture. Had papa john's pizza on Sunday. So yummy!!! Gotta eat this again! 

#2 My breakfast for today! Coffee love and sardin sandwich! Nom nom! 

#3 Got back the assignment marks yesterday and quite happy with it. Actually I am easily satisfied. Heh. Thanks group mates for the awesome magazine we did from scratch! Emergent Leadership rocks huh! 

And now, am gonna share a bit here and there some Words from Mr.Shannon ( my fav lecturer and also for the Leadership subject we took this sem ), not gonna post the whole thing here but most of it. Read it people, very meaningful :)

"Friday, 24 February 2012

Hello, everyone!

Your life is only just beginning, actually. My generation (Gen X, people born roughly between 1969 – 1984) will soon fade away. And so, we are passing the baton and torch of leadership over to you. I hope and pray that you make your choices and decisions count.

Honestly, the days ahead for the world look uncertain. There are dark clouds. I hear thunder in the distance. Sure, yes, there are good things going on as well. But I think it’s important to start sharpening our minds and preparing our hearts for the rough seas. Technology is going to continue its relentless march in transforming every aspect of our lives. We cannot expect things to remain the same. Will things get crazier? Yes, I think so. I urge you to live your life intentionally and not to let life just happen. You can be strategic. You can be significant, personally and professionally, at home, at work, on campus, and wherever you are, wherever you go, whoever you are with, whatever the situation and context.

You can lead and you can learn to lead. You can make things happen. The marketplace is waiting for your leadership, your influence, your voice, your words, your writing, your work, your service, your art and your touch. You are going to spend a great deal of time at the workplace. Therefore, strive to find work that you find meaningful, work that you will enjoy. All types of jobs and work worth doing have their own unique challenges, stress levels, complexities and difficulties. But if you find something you love to do, you won’t mind the effort and trouble so much. Your work will become your craft, your art ... your gift to everyone else around you.

Your family, present and future, are waiting for your leadership and influence. There are things you can do to usher in hope, healing, reconciliation, forgiveness, restoration and peace.

Your campus, your community, your towns and cities, your nations, your circles of friendship, your present and future friends, colleagues and bosses ... all are waiting for your leadership. You can usher in justice, spread passion, solve important problems, lead teams, create stuff, establish foundations, pioneer initiatives, be an example, bring cheer and joy and become beacons of light in darkness. If you like, you can become a lighthouse and help ships find their way through the fog and storm.

It’s a choice, isn’t it?

I’ll let you in on a secret: I read obituaries. I spend time thinking about death a lot. Read this:

Better to spend your time at funerals than at parties.        

After all, everyone dies— so the living should take this to heart...

A wise person thinks a lot about death, while a fool thinks only about having a good time.

(Ecclesiastes 7: 2, 4 – Old Testament, The Holy Bible)

I suggest you take some time off to be alone and to imagine the day of your own funeral. Imagine people you know giving a eulogy on you. What would you like people to remember the most about your life?

Maybe you can write your own eulogy. Seriously. Now. If you don’t know how, do a Google search on ‘how to write your own eulogy’.

Spend time reflecting on how you want to be remembered. Think of the kind of legacy you would like to leave behind. You and I will surely die one day. We need to get over and past our fear of death. With all due respect to specific traditions, if we continue to live in fear of death, we will NEVER live our lives to the fullest and NEVER realize our full God-given potential. Thinking about death and reflecting upon the reality of death will help us live wisely and purposefully. It will help us to do some necessary growing up.

I’m not asking you to indulge in some airy, fairy unrealistic fantasy. I’m not saying you should hang your head down, look depressed, feel suicidal, put on an Angry Bird face and become a morbid person. No. That’s not what I mean at all. Far from it.

I want you to live with laughter, joy and gladness. But life must be lived wisely in order to be lived forward fully. Recklessness, carelessness or care-freeness isn’t the same as courage, simplicity and contentedness.

I’m calling you to “begin with the end in mind” as Stephen Covey would put it in his book ‘Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’. Once we can picture the end and our funerals, and imagine what we would like people to remember and say of us, then we can choose to live and lead intentionally in the here and now. In other words, by knowing the kind of ending we want to have, we can live our lives forward with vision and purpose. You can tune your ‘internal compass and GPS’ towards your ‘true north’. There may be things along the way that sidetrack us but once we know the ending we’d like to have, we can make ourselves get back on track.

I strongly encourage you to invest in your mind by reading good books and attending good leadership conferences and seminars. Start small. Build up your leadership skills bit by bit, step by step. Learn to be genuine and sincere. Practice listening. Communicate with people less on e-mail, SMS and Facebook. Do more face-to-face, live and real human interaction, without any technological interface. Hold a hand. Look at friends and family in the eyes. Turn the mobile devices off at meal times. Maybe have a “NO MOBILE DEVICES OR COMPUTER OR INTERNET OR VIDEO GAMES DAY” once a week. It will change your life. Become people of substance and depth. When crisis and trouble comes, people of substance and depth will be able to withstand the shocks and lead others through the chaos and panic.

Learn to lead and influence for the greater good. Stand and act for what is right.

Learn to lead from the ground up.

Learn to lead without the need for official, formal titles, spotlight or recognition.

Learn to lead quietly.

Learn to lead behind the scenes.

Learn to appreciate and enjoy silence, stillness and quietness.

Learn to be.

Let your ‘doing’ flow from your ‘being’.

Learn to wait for the right moment. Use the waiting time to learn, grow, get equipped, train, practice and prepare. When you are finally called upon, you will be the right person for the right moment. There is such a thing as being premature. There is value is patience. Wait. This requires humility.

You and I can tell people what to do but we will duplicate who we really are on the inside. If we are not genuine, we will duplicate insincerity, no matter how genuine we try to appear to be.

"XO, take her down. Make your depth 800 feet. Downward on the planes 45 degrees, left full rudder, all ahead 1/3. Make your heading 270. Rig ship for ultraquiet. Battle stations!"

Just me,

Shannon "

Am so gonna miss this class, so much that I've learn and I think I grow a lil'. Leadership Sem 5 definitely is a memorable one :')