#59

Finally decided to do some writing. I struggle a lil' thinking how to start off with this writing since it's been long since I write on my daily writing. This post is inspired by Crystal Cha's "Wanted : Someone into courage, commitment and cuddling". 

Every girl has their own expectations towards their significant other's traits and values. Am just trying to express them through words. Well, I do think that love is a risk, it's a tough knowledge that you wouldn't get to master it in a short time, and when a stranger becomes everything to you, you would try everything to make sure that it would works out. and here comes the thing is that what if it doesn't works. But what if it works out? 

1. Someone that prioritize me that will keep me in his thought every time he makes a decision. Someone that cares for me that he would not be afraid of commitments and would still be strong and firm enough to go through all the thick and thin that would make this relationship work out.
2. Someone that is positive about life and being supportive & encouraging despite me myself is already filled with negative vibes. Someone that I would go to and bury my head crying when I am sad and he would always be there telling me that everything would be fine. Someone that would listen to my rantings and complains and would not give any comment but just giving me a hug or a pat. 
3. Someone that would not be reserve in front of me and would not even doubt to share about his feelings and thoughts be it happy, unhappy, angry, worry, stress to me. Someone that has patience and appropriate temper towards everything. 
4. Someone that is happy and satisfy with what he has now but at the same time having goals and directions that he knows where he is heading to. Someone that understand the happiness in every progression he made. Someone that I could adore of and making him my lil' guardian angel in my heart. 
5. Someone that I could be very comfortable with and would never get bored being with him despite there's silence while we are working on our own stuff. 
6. Someone that is selective on his cash but willingly to spend money on me and himself. haha! Someone that knows when to spend money and of course using it wisely. 
7. Someone that understands me well that would know what I have in my thoughts even though I didn't say it out. Someone that would take note of the lil' things I said during our daily conversations, be it just a restaurant that I would like to go and try it out. 
8. Someone that would goes along well with my family and friends. Similarly I would also do the same thing. Heh :)
9. Someone that loves surprises, cuddling, back rubs, walking on the beach, seeing sunrise sunset and the stars just like how I do. 
10. Someone that would have the strength and courage and would stick to what he believes that is true and right. Someone that has faith in me, just as equally I would have faith in him. 

Heh. 10 on the list not many right? :)

2013: #16

- The 16th day of 2013: The first post of the year -

I remember every year, I've the same resolution, to be stronger as the year goes on. But today, I feel as weak as usual. I've not grow a lil' stronger at all. Last year was a rough and tough year, it was filled with emotionally draining and that anxiety has managed to take a toll on me. Most of the days I find myself having extreme emotion, I could be so happy just because of the littlest thing but I could also be so upset about the littlest thing ever. How silly I could be. What is wrong with me? People always said that what happened in the past shaped the way you are. After going through the roller coaster years, it seems like am still the same weak girl that couldn't learn how to control her emotions. Most of the time, it would be celebratory-year-end. But, last year, I find myself drowning in anxiety and blankness.  

On the bright side, am grateful that last year was the year I gain friends that truly care about me. Friends that gave me encouragement whenever I am upset. Friends that never leave me no matter how pessimist I am. Friends that never gave up on me no matter how hard I tried to push them away. Friends that know me so well and every details that what I want. I feel very much loved, and very thankful having them. I can have awesomest friends that help me through my ups and downs and for they are always there whenever I need them. I guess am the happiest when I feel so much being loved. :')

2013. The year didn't start off well. As much as I hope it do. :( This year is gonna be a turning point for me, where I hope everything would be well. When people always asked "2013, please treat me well". I need to remind myself of my goals and yes please, I will make 2013 a better year for me. Hopefully? Too much doubts.

“We all can use a little hope sometimes, you know. That feeling that everything is gonna be okay and that there’s gonna be someone there to help make sure of that.”

—	One Tree Hill

Page 260: Choosing to believe

Dadali - Disaat Aku Mencintaimu #nowplaying

That day I was in the friend's car and his car has loads of emo love songs and they are all old songs, wonder which era are those songs. So I asked him this question "Why is there forever love when nothing is permanent?" It's a contradict. People used to say forever love, for me I used to say infinity love. But at the same time, we also believe in nothing is permanent. Everything is temporary. I am kinda confused or maybe am too free that I think so much. Fml. D: So he explained his interpretation that people do know nothing is permanent, but forever love is just something that a guy used to express his love to a girl and since it's widely used, it's kinda like a trend. I mean I accepted his explanation, people choose to believe when deep inside they do know nothing last forever. Today, I asked my bff the same question, and she told me that she believes in forever love and that people will live happily ever after. It's a matter of choosing to believe. We don't know what's the reality, since everyone will goes through different thing and everyone has their own story to tell. Sometimes, you would think maybe it's a matter or reality vs. virtual. Something that you have created inside you. You know it's not true, but you just think it will be like that. Ahh it's so confusing. I dislike myself for thinking so much and what more when there's no actual answer for this. Nevertheless, it's a good question to think about. Isn't it? It makes you redefined what's life to you. I have learned to find happiness just from small lil' things. Just like the coffee art, something so simple, so pretty, that could just put a smile on my face even by staring at the picture. :) 

Page 221: If time stands still

#1 I re-arranged all the clothes in my wardrobe. I think I've nothing better to do. From left, some casual dresses, to my favorite polka-dots collection, my favorite chiffon shirts, my favourite button shirts and knitted sweaters. 

#2 My long-pants! 5 black long pants and 2 blue-jeans. That is why you always see me in black long pants in uni. Mum insisted that I have to wear long pants to uni. So no shorts at all. :)

#3 Ahh, this BRATs shirt that left me with so many good memories back in 2007. 4 days camp seemed like it's has been a part of me already. Reminiscence. 

*********************************************************************************************

Can't Go Back - Rosi Golan #nowplaying 

"When people don't express themselves, they die one piece at a time. You'd be shocked at how many adults are really dead inside - walking through their days with no idea who they are, just waiting for a heart attack or cancer or a Mack truck to come along and finish the job. It's the saddest thing I know." 

-Laurie Halse Anderson 

As usual, I read up on quotes again. and as usual I find quotes that reflect the truth in me. Mood swing. How many times have I been faking my answer that I am fine when I am actually not at all. Pretending is easy, but every time i die a lil' inside. I write to release. But I struggle with the words if the words would reflect my true feelings. The buddy talked to me yesterday, but I replied coldly telling him that I am not in the mood. He understands me well knowing that I would continue replied coldly to whatever he would ask, he said okay and left me alone with my thoughts. The bestie told me yesterday that she wants to escape to somewhere not knowing where, but she continued with this question if anyone would miss her if she's gone to somewhere else. and I told her "noooo, I would miss you". But at the same time, I was thinking if I could also escape to somewhere, if only I could. I have been very different for this whole month, I wish I knew what to do with myself. 

"Sometimes I wish I never had to sleep. Sometimes I think that if I stay very, very still, if I never move at all, things will change. I think if I freeze myself I can freeze the pain. Sometimes I won't move for hours. I will not move an inch. If time stands still nothing can go wrong." 

-Taherah Mafi 

If. 

But "Some things you can't go back to, some things need left alone" 

Page 220: Pain

"Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it's a big part, and sometimes it isn't, but either way, it's a part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: it teaches you, tells you that you're alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes, it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another."

Jim Butcher 

I spent most of my time reading quotes. I love how these quotes reflect certain truth in life and reminds me of something that later inspire me to write. So here I am, writing. More like typing thou. Heh. It's gonna be daddy again. Perhaps his death anniversary is approaching, am writing so much about dad lately. I flipped through the newspaper yesterday morning, I read about this inspiring article "Goodbye Mum"  and I thought maybe I should write about daddy.

So yeah, a long-winded one. It's gonna be the day daddy left. I remember that morning, daddy was opening the gate for us as early as 645am perhaps or 7am. Mum sent me to school that day, no school-bus day! and I couldn't remember if I wave goodbye to dad, but that was the last time I see him. I regretted not waving goodbye, I think I did not. I regretted not saying "daddy i love you" before I left to school. I regretted not hugging daddy before I left to school. Ahhh, perhaps these have left me using so much of "loves" at the end of conversation or putting "heart" emoticon. Till the extend I thought I was too generous with it. Back to story, so I came home by school bus as usual. Only to receive a called from mum telling me that bro accompanied daddy to check up and daddy had to be admitted to the hospital for further check-up. The word "check-up" didn't gave me much effect as I thought am gonna see dad the next day, no big deal. Having to be admitted to CCU, we were not aware at all of the term. Daddy called asking us not to visit him as there's nothing to worry since he will be coming home the next day, so yeah we didn't visit him. Every night, I would be doing my homework in my room while mum would be downstairs doing her work. and I remember it's 930pm, the phone rang and the nurse said we need to rush to the hospital as soon as possible. Here comes the drama, everything was just exactly like how we seen from the drama. We rushed into the car, bro drove as fast as he could, and there was a bad jam leading to the hospital. Damn it, and hazard light was on all the way. We put our car aside, didn't even bother to park it properly and we literally ran through the cold corridors. Until we reached there, the doctor said "sorry, it's too late". Perhaps I was too young to understand death, I didn't know how to respond. There wasn't tears flowing when the doctor pronounced that daddy had officially left us, he didn't even got to see us for the last time. But we knew that he was waiting for us. I was stunned, I gave him a last hug with all the tubes were still on his cold body. That night was difficult, I went home and only then I cried so much like I felt a knife was stabbed into my heart. That was my first time understanding the meaning of heartache. It was so pain that I don't know what to do with it. That's about it. We survived through the days without daddy by having loads of relatives and friends constantly consoling us. It was difficult, my tears fall every morning on the way to school for sometime. That's when I guess I started learning not to show my sadness in public, those smiles and laughter that I put on. I was much stronger that time. I still think of dad on and off. I let go of myself allowing the tears to flow at night whenever I think of him before going to sleep. Losing someone so close ain't easy at all. Days were tough without someone that you have been relying on all these while. I am so proud with mum for she being so brave and optimistic. We wouldn't have walked through these tough days without the family and friends. I am always grateful for having them. It's been 7 years now, daddy I still think of you for you are always in my heart. You know what, that special place that you have in my heart, no one would ever replace you. The true Always & Forever. 

Losing daddy has taught me a lot in life, at least to be strong. But it seems that I am back to basic again, I show my sadness so easily in public. I no longer hide my sadness, I would just blabbered it off to my close friends that I think I annoyed them a lot with my sadness. Sorry mates. I am not strong anymore. 

Brain and mind - the root of all sickness. :(

and 400km? I never like that. Damn the distant. 

Page 217: Because it's hard to express in words

"When someone cries so hard that it hurts their throat, it is out of frustration or knowing that no matter what you can do or attempt to do can change the situation. When you feel like you need to cry, when you want to just get it out, relieve some of the pressure from the inside - that is true pain. Because no matter how hard you try or how bad you want to, you can't. That pain just stays in place. Then, if you are lucky, one small tear may escape from those eyes that water constantly. That one tear, that tiny, salty, droplet of moisture is a means of escape. Although tit's just a small tear, it is the heaviest thing in the world. And it doesn't do a damn thing to fix anything." 

-Chase Brooks 

This week I was rather emotional. Unstable I could say. I have been feeling restless, I got angry of small lil' things, I got pretty sensitive over every thing, I wasn't concentrating most of the time. My mind tends to wanders off to those negative things that have been lingering on my mind forever that my tears fall so easily. I barely did anything useful besides doing housework. I spent most of my time watching drama, unless I felt like playing the piano. I went to the piano for awhile played a song or two, and I went back to my drama. I slept so late at night because I barely could sleep, until I doze off watching it. I was panic and nervous already, where it triggers those negative stuff to float on my mind 7/24. I need people to constantly telling me not to worry, everything will be fine when I don't believe in this theory at all. I am sucha pessimist, but still grateful with friends that I could rely on telling me that everything will be fine. I pretend to accept the theory when deep in my heart I know it's not going to be fine. I am in a mess, indeed.  

Yesterday, I went out to celebrate a very close friend's birthday. But my mind wasn't really concentrating. I was stuffing myself with food whole night during dinner while my mind wanders off to all the what ifs questions. Everyday am struggling with my mind and my heart. Contradict.

This week I have been thinking of daddy pretty much. I think of those good ol' days where daddy would send me to the bus stop every morning as early as 6am and waited for the school bus with me. We would sit in the car and daddy would tell me about philosophy of life and stories about his siblings. I find those stories interesting and I still kept them in my mind. When I came back from school, daddy would always rush home from work just to make sure I am home safely and also with food to eat. Everyday there's tea time with daddy at home. Daddy prepared breakfast for me with his weird creativity like putting raw egg into my milo, which he knows I hate it the most having to drink that slimy egg white with my milo. Gross isn't it, I don't know where did he got that creativity from. Breakfast was always healthy, that I have a cup of plain water to drink or honey and a cup of milo to drink. Daddy made my lunch box for me to pack to school, daddy will buy food back for tea time when I reached home from school and daddy would sometimes prepare dinner. His fried rice was terrible indeed, but we have no choice but to swallow those oily fried rice. Oiliest fried rice I have ever tasted, ew. Daddy loves frying butter salmon, oily too but yummeh. Daddy was the one who started the pouring tuna into porridge culture in our family. He was pretty much creative, but gross creativity. haha! Weekends were the best time ever unless there's exam. Saturdays were meant for me to attend class, yes my school urgh have classes on every Saturday. Saturdays were usually busy day where I attended school in the morning, attend piano class and art class in the evening. Saturday night will always be eating out at the shopping malls. Sunday would be visiting mall day. Ahhh lovin those days. Looking at now, my meals are all so screw up, it's always milo for brunch and sometimes for dinner. Or I skip dinner. I tend to spend so much time in front of the laptop. I sleep for so few hours because there's no longer daddy to control my sleeping time. He doesn't allow me to sleep late and wake up late. Ahh these are all the stuff that I have been reminiscing bout daddy this week. 

The clock is ticking and it's coming soon. I have no idea how to face the reality if someone could tell me how besides telling me everything will be fine. It's the end of the week. Again. I no longer love the weekends anymore. I wish weekdays are longer. 

Till then. 

Page 214: Exhausting

Just realized am not important at all. Everything is exhausting.
I am indeed weaker than I thought I was.

Page 213: Always

I haven't been writing what have I been thinking for some time already. Avoiding writing them out because I fear. I fear to know what I have been worrying, fear to face the reality. When the week comes to an end, I feel extremely down thinking oh no it's coming, silly thoughts like why wouldn't the time stop. My life is so gonna ruin soon. The uncertainty of my future seems to be bothering me a lot. I have been stressing a lot that I make myself busy by shifting my attention to something unnecessary, watching drama every night till I sleep or reading quotes or words on tumblr. Doing all these every night just to stop myself from thinking. Being a pessimist, I couldn't describe how I felt. It's extreme, towards the point of thinking something silly and stupid. I'm more like a planner, I like my life to be in order and I like to know what would happen next. Just like how I love reading conclusions or watching the last episode of drama before continue reading or watching the rest. I can go on impromptu plans like going out for a lunch, dinner or a trip. Just not when it comes to serious stuff. Right now, I am not sure if my life is gonna ruin and the most difficult thing is waiting. At the same time, I do not want that moment to come. Counting down is a painful thing. I don't know if I am different person right now, I am not sure if I have changed the way I think, I am not sure about myself. All I know what I have been doing is hanging out with my loved ones trying to stop myself from thinking about it. I felt that I have lose myself, I don't know how to pick up myself anymore. The truth is, happiness is always a short-term thing that put your worries away for a second or two; but sadness would always leave a scar and it would surely take a long time to heal. Who wants sadness thou. 

My life is really in a real mess. I don't know myself anymore. 

Page 182: Mess up emotions

4 days more till exam. This is the time where panic strike and the stress up feeling that two of these feelings jumbled up and leave me suffocating. All the thoughts of insecurity. All the what ifs questions. There are just too many of them. 

Most of the time I feel that I have extremes emotions. There are times I feel happy/hyper without reason that I could sing along whole day. There are times where I feel very low just like the Flo Rida's song that I could cry anytime, anywhere. I felt like a glass, so fragile that it is easily break. I used to enjoy being alone. I could cope with being alone that I enjoyed every moment of it. I felt detached that time. Detached on everything or anything that I could leave my mobile shut off and kept it in the mess of my wardrobe. I could talk to myself, sing to myself in this empty house. That was the time when I felt so tired with people, the exhaustion and that struggle to be around people. The smile that I put on just to tell people I am fine. 

This time it's the opposite. I showed my sadness so easily in the public. I felt so weak. I felt so dependent. I felt so attached. I need people around all the time. This time everything felt different. and I couldn't figure out these coming and going emotions. I felt so mess up. 

But it was wonderful knowing that I could sleep it off at night pushing away all the problems. and how wonderful to receive good morning text from the friends and also how wonderful to know that there are still people being friends with me despite the whole mess I am. and also how wonderful it is to have friends that still care about me. 

I don't know how long this feeling would last. Maybe the next time it would back to the times where I felt detached. I just don't know. Telling myself to be strong over and over again, it seems like nothing has change. I am weaker than I thought. 

Page 180

Food. Companion. 

Companion is much more important than food. I place companion before food. because I believe that no matter how tasty is the food, the companion is always the one that would affect the taste of the food. :) Am lovin that day where we had these noodles together. Good companions & good food. Perfect. 

Page 171: Uncontrollable

Emotional. I am way too emotional that I cry over every lil thing. I breakdown again. In the public. Wearing the same shirt, same pants and same slipper when I breakdown 2 weeks ago. Stream of tears flowed, it felt warm. It flowed endlessly and finally it stopped after awhile. I find it hard to control. A friend asked me why have I been crying so much these days. I told her I was too stressful. She said I wasn't like this last time. I told her maybe I was not stress last time. Which I think my answer was a total nonsense. Her words made me think. Something is seriously wrong with me. Have I changed? Since when did I started to show my sadness in public. Since when did I started to show how weak am I to everyone. I did laughed when I cried. I did laughed at lil' things after I cried. But still the friend constantly think I look so depressed that when she looked at me, she felt depressed. Am feeling so low. I am not strong. I felt like a glass, something so fragile that it can break easily. When can I learn how to be strong. 

On the other side, I got myself Java Chip frappucino before heading home. Something to cheer me up. x

Page 132 : Stay Calm

Sick. Fed up. Frustrated. Depressed.

I am sick with myself and people who always to pretend to be okay when we are not. Why do we always have to be like that? Is it really that difficult to admit that you are not okay and you need help? Is it really difficult to reject other people. I am really tired of this, I can't change myself and I am telling people not to pretend to be okay when they are not.

To me and also others: Just tell if you cannot handle it anymore. There will be no harm. 

(This has been in my draft, finally deciding to post this up) 

*******************************************************************************

On a happy side: 

Am sure I can do this. x 

Page 128: Quotes that tell the truth of life

Skinny Love - Birdy #nowplaying

My cousin bro told me a few days ago that he likes all the status that I posted on fb recently as they are all very optimistic. I know it should be this way, it's just that not everything would be as it seems to be. Despite all the status for example : 

"Oh shut up. Every time it rains, it stop raining. Every time you hurt, you heal. After darkness, there is always light and you get reminded of this every morning but still you choose to believe that the night will last forever. Nothing lasts forever. Not the good or the bad. So you might as well smile while you're here."

I find these quotes are telling the truth, therefore I might as well share it with everyone. Who knows people would be inspired and be happy everyday. But the truth is I am still stuck at "i believe that the night will last forever". As pessimist as I am, I am also working hard everyday to look at the bright side at the same time. Trying to make myself being satisfy and contented with everyday life. Spending most of my time in uni, I find it enjoyable even though sometimes I whine being alone or having to wait too long to go home. I love to see my classmates, I love eating lunch with them, I love them being so motivated with their everyday life (they seem to be). The point is I am reading quotes these days hopefully that these quotes would inspire me, only to find most of the quotes are reflecting the truth of life. To end this post, here's another quote. :)

"If you don't get what you want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can't hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change. Free of pain, free of obligations of life and death. But change is law and no amount of pretending will alter that reality." 

Till next time. 

Page 125: An evening walk

Went for a walk.

(1) A dog was sleeping soundly at the pondok. The dog looks so pitiful, since I have a dog at home, I developed some kind of feelings towards dog. They all look so cute and alike! But cats are definitely not my kind of pet. I love walking around the neighborhood checking out the dogs breed in the neighborhood.

(2) I saw a maid climbing out of the window on the 2nd floor just to wipe the window. Gosh, way too dangerous. What if she slipped and fall? Just what ifs.

(3) A grandmother was watching at the 2 grandchildren while they were jumping and running around on the playground. Parents should never leave their sight off their children, way too risky.

*So glad that Nayati is back home safely. 

I walked under the sun, looking at the kids, looking at the houses, looking at the sunset, looking at the greenery. These are things that I have not been doing for some time already. Did some thinking while walking and sitting around. There are just too many to think of, too few solutions and outcome. Thoughts are tangled up again.  

Page 115: Library Post

Hello everyone, a long hiatus on my blog I see. Have been busy with assignments as usual and it's slowly killing me. I am afraid that I couldn't manage my time properly with the amount of workload. April is ending soon and it seems like I spend my whole April staring and working in front of the laptop only. There was not much fun besides the birthdays celebration which i would blog about them soon before April ends. I barely touch the TV remote control anymore except for Saturday, I am slowly getting rid of my reading-newspaper-everyday habit which is not a good thing, I have sleeping deprived for 6 days a week except for Saturday night. I spent more than 10 hours everyday in uni. I reach before sun rise, I go home after sunset. Long break, when are you coming. :(

Just a lil' update, i guess we are done with our research proposal. Feeling insecure because others are still working on them. Thoughts on mind like maybe we didn't write enough, maybe we missed out something, maybe it's not good enough, so much insecure feeling on mind. :( I guess I just don't trust myself.

So, I have been spending time in library since class ended at 330 just now. Met my cousin in the washroom, what's weird that I always bump into her in the washroom, not other place. So she sat with me in the library and she ran away halfway because the guy sitting behind me took off his Birkenstock and his feet stinks wtf. There's still so many students over here doing their homework or doing revisions since hours ago. Am feeling very hungry already, in fact am always feeling hungry unless I lose my appetite.

Not sure what I wrote above. It's just another everydaystories. Till next time.

Page 87: Uncertainties

Today is a tough day. Spending more than 11 hours in uni but most of the hours spent were torturing, filled with fear and lost. I am grateful to have Graceey and Elaineey with me today. Thankyou dearies for being the courage in me, I don't know what to do without both of you. Thankyou so much for being there for me. I really need to be strong. 

Page 86: Things just don't stay the way it is

"It has just been one of those days where you just want to give it all up, run away from your life, be someone else." (Pick this up from a blog)

I guess this sentence explains well how am I feeling today. The new semester started today, but everything feels so different. Had been emotionally unstable, most of the time so many thoughts are playing on my mind. I looked into the air and my thoughts are struggling. I wish I could write down exactly what and how am I feeling, it's just that I find it difficult to put it in words.

If you know me well, I never like changes. I like things to stay the way it is. I don't like the feeling of having to adapt again to the whole new situation. Wouldn't things be better if it stays the way it is. Forget about the business world or the world outside, don't tell me crap about the world is constantly changing and we need to this and that as much as we always read that from the text books. I am talking about emotions, feelings and people. I know people are temporary, they don't stay with you forever and nothing stays the same forever. But still why? Why it has to be like that. I always hated the "what ifs". Urghhh. I think I need to stop doing all the overthinking. Just let it be because there will be an answer. Really? I am kinda lost right now, I need to pick up myself again. :( Coming back to this again, it's just a matter of getting used to it. 

If only I am strong. 

Page 85: Kenangan Terindah

Samsons: Kenangan Terindah 

"Bila yang tertulis untukku

 Adalah yang terbaik untukmu

 Kan kujadikan kau kenangan

 Yang terindah dalam hidupku

***

Hey, I know this song above sounds so like boyfriend to a girlfriend. Well, indeed. But I would like to dedicate it to my dad. I miss you daddy, haven't been getting to type or shout this word out. The word daddy still sounds better than papa right? No offence. :)

Page 82: Fashion?

 Ohai, yesterday was I don't know how to describe. 1st time attending fashion show and a close shave. Not gonna talk about the close shave thing, thinking of that still making me trembling. But am grateful that I woke up in my comfy bed and see the sunshine today. Hypophrenia hits me. I am feeling sad for no apparent reason. Losing appetite towards food, constantly feeling like tearing and I find most of the things meaningless. Maybe it's just one of those days that I am back to being the pessimist. Apathetic. Imma stop talking about that. 

A friend gave us the tickets and that's how we got the opportunity to watch our first ever fashion show. I mean by sitting there and watching it not like those in the shopping mall. It was interesting, and I wonder how the models walk in such killer heels on those unstable temporary stage and still able to portray the best of the outfit (designs) they were wearing. *salute. These young designers/designers-to-be are really creative and looking at how they design the outfits with recycle stuff just amaze me. They turned recycle stuff, those that we usually throw off into great artwork. Totally amazing. :)

Photo credits to Jo. She captured them all. :)

Page 80: Pretty much about LIFE

Hey there, today has been quiet. Just like yesterday. Woke up and did all the house chores just like a house-maker. Gonna eliminate the word: housewife from my dictionary, that word is a bit too bias. Don't you think so? Let's see what I had been doing today, I know you wouldn't be bothered, but I just need to write them down just to make this post longer. After all, this is all about my theseeverydaystories right? 

So I did the laundry first thing after I woke up, swept and mopped the floor, fed my dog and hang the clothes. You know you are almost there like a house-maker when all you discussed when you see your neigbours' uncle and maid are about the weather. Talking about "oh, today it's sunny, good for the clothes/oh, looks like it's gonna rain, better not hang the clothes outside". See? Conversation like that, that's all that I talked in the morning. 

Finally, making brunch for myself after all the house-chores, boiled water to make coffee, fried egg and tada, coffee and egg for brunch. Then you know what's next? I switched on the TV and read the newspaper doing both at the same time. Then, it's laptop staring time, today it's all about Tiffany Alvord youtube channel. The One That Got Away has been on replay, awww! Getting bored of the laptop, I headed to the bicycle and exercise! Then I picked up a book and then I played the piano for a bit. That's pretty much sum up 3/4 of my day. 

Talking about life, today I came across seeing a few of my friends' friend getting married at our age. I wonder isn't it a bit too early getting married? One of my friend tweeted saying that one of her friend in our age is already having a 2 years old child. That means by the time she's 40 years old, the kid gonna be at our age. And before 50 years old, she would be a grandma then. Erm, that's so scary. My point is our life is just at the beginning, we have yet to do things we like, we are just beginning to wander around what's life about and what we want. Just too scary seeing people getting married at our age. Marriage commitment already?  It's like skipping the young adult phase of life towards the marriage phase already. That's a bit too fast. Very. Scary. Indeed. 

Here, I came across this long quote which I find very meaningful. 

"Life changes every minute of every day. You lose friends and you gain friends. You realize your friend wasn't ever really your friend, and that person you used to hate can make a really good friend. You look for love. You find love and you lose love. You realize all along that you've been loved. You laugh, you cry. You laugh so hard that you cry. You do this, you do that. You really wish you hadn't done that. You then learn from that and are glad that you did. You have your ups and you have your downs. You see good movies and you see bad movies. You wonder if your life is just one big movie. You look at others and wish you were them. You then realize who they are and are glad that you're you. You love life and you hate life. In the end, you just find yourself being happy to be living life, no matter what is thrown at you."

"In the end, you just find yourself being happy to be living life, no matter what is thrown at you."

Someday, I believe I would. Just not now. Someday.