4 days more till exam. This is the time where panic strike and the stress up feeling that two of these feelings jumbled up and leave me suffocating. All the thoughts of insecurity. All the what ifs questions. There are just too many of them.
Most of the time I feel that I have extremes emotions. There are times I feel happy/hyper without reason that I could sing along whole day. There are times where I feel very low just like the Flo Rida's song that I could cry anytime, anywhere. I felt like a glass, so fragile that it is easily break. I used to enjoy being alone. I could cope with being alone that I enjoyed every moment of it. I felt detached that time. Detached on everything or anything that I could leave my mobile shut off and kept it in the mess of my wardrobe. I could talk to myself, sing to myself in this empty house. That was the time when I felt so tired with people, the exhaustion and that struggle to be around people. The smile that I put on just to tell people I am fine.
This time it's the opposite. I showed my sadness so easily in the public. I felt so weak. I felt so dependent. I felt so attached. I need people around all the time. This time everything felt different. and I couldn't figure out these coming and going emotions. I felt so mess up.
But it was wonderful knowing that I could sleep it off at night pushing away all the problems. and how wonderful to receive good morning text from the friends and also how wonderful to know that there are still people being friends with me despite the whole mess I am. and also how wonderful it is to have friends that still care about me.
I don't know how long this feeling would last. Maybe the next time it would back to the times where I felt detached. I just don't know. Telling myself to be strong over and over again, it seems like nothing has change. I am weaker than I thought.
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