Reputation or Character.

"Worry about your character, not your reputation; 

because your character is who you are, 

your reputation is who people think you are."

I really need to learn this. In fact, am confuse with myself. Nuff said. 

I am in a mess.

“Everyone keeps asking me if I’m okay. What am I supposed to tell them? No, I’m not okay. And then what? So I just smile and say that I’m fine, even though I’m really dying on the inside.”

- (via eletheowl) I came across this sayings and I find it very true. Very often when I am feeling down, people will come and ask if i'm okay. Usually, the typical answer will be I'm fine because you know even if you tell them I'm not, there will not be a solution. Most of the time, i find myself having difficulties in expressing my feelings. I don't know why am I feeling sad, maybe I know, but I just don't want it to be so. I know I am weird. So I keep them inside, i started feeling grumpy, irritated, annoying with everything. I got that emo look. I don't feel like talking. Whenever it started to take a toll on me, I am on the edge of breaking down. I control myself, because I know that's not a right thing to break down in the public. Sometimes, I think I am not friendly. I told one of my cousin about that, he told me to be myself as it sounds cliche. I try to, but the fact is that I mind about what people see in me. I think I am trapped in my own mind. I cared about too much thing even in what people think of me. Insecure, that could perfectly describe me. Perhaps, someday, I would learn how to pour out all I am feeling to people that I trust, so that they could understand how I feel. Someday. Just not now. It's 230am, had been yakking with Wan Ping. I guess it's time for bed. Good Night.

Night Time Reflection.

People that you talked to everyday, sharing the laughter/sadness/gossip and hang out everyday. It used to be like that. Until misunderstandings happened and things cannot be explain anymore. You know that is when there is a twist in the friendship. Then what happened next is that both of you are no longer on talking terms. It's all back to strangers again. Everything became "it used to be". How sad is this. Walking away is never something positive. It meant to leave the good memories with a bad ending. Someday, you might get close to that person again. But things will never be the same again.

Someday.

This whole post don't make sense. Don't bother to waste your time reading this post :) 

I have this habit of sleeping till around 10am if there's no class. That is why I love the weekends so much! I could sleep late at night and wake up without alarm. Best feeling ever. Alarm clock is the most irritating things ever. Bet everyone would agree with that. Having to wake up at 6am every morning reminds me of the primary school days and also high school days. Thinking back how I had been waking up extremely early to catch the school bus, sitting in the classroom for 6 hours a day with 20 mins break in between. I still couldn't believe how I got through that. During the high school days, I have to wake up at 530am, well some of my friends need to wake up at freaking 5am. Who wakes up so early?! Imagine if we stay up till 12am, that means everyday you get 5 hours of sleep only. But yeah, that's not the main problem. You could always sleep earlier. But which teenagers would sleep early if they don't have that habit. I think I had some sleeping deprivation problems for the whole 11 years of school days. Alright, that's a bit exaggerating. I still couldn't sleep early these days. We need to wake up early for the rest of our years!!! That was why we were trained to have early classes since we were young. Meh. Then when we got married and had kids, we have to wake up even earlier to make breakfast, to send them off to school. That's what I seen from the neigbours. Every morning I wake up at 6 to feed my dog, the neighbor's parents would send their kids to school saying goodbye and goodluck to their kids. I think I am thinking too far about this waking up early problem. I should just cherish these few years and sleep away the weekends. These problems are not problems. It's just a matter of habit. Someday I will get used to it, or probably I am used to waking up early already. 

Difficult Week I Said.

Conflict. It's ridiculous if we apologize. I don't like conflict. It's not some kind of healthy conflict where people have different opinions, you just need to voice out your opinions and see which point make more sense. But no, it's some conflict on ridiculous unnecessary stuff. Meh! It's not a big deal, so why make it so complicated. Some fear has been built up. I don't like having to be careful or aware of anything everything. It's a torture. I am allowing myself to become two-faced person.

Frustrating week. Conflict. Got a major headache on the 1st day of class. Had brain fried, mentally tired from uni.

Assignments due. Lack of sleep for the whole week because assignment was due yesterday. Having stomach upset that I went to the washroom for 7 times in the morning. What I had was just a can of coffee in the morning, and I got this awful stomach upset.

Attended talk. CIMB talk by the Deputy CEO of CIMB about Financial Market. I quote this from him "there is no substitute for hardwork". I believe that as long as we work hard, we could always catch up. The slides presented weren't that inspiring, because I am kinda lost with all the jargons used. But the question and answer session was really awesome. Inspiring. :) Had dinner for the 1st time with the unimates was yesterday.

Today. It's a great day. Woke up at 6am thinking of preparing to go uni. Kinda forget that there's no class today. NO uni, just TV, laptop and couch. and Sleep. We all really need that sleep. That's guilty enough. Needa do work tomorrow.

Movie. Lunch.

Hey, sorry the previous post I wrote I am back. Apparently I still slack in blogging. Sem break is over, and this is the only outing with unimates during the break. How pathetic. Went Tropicana Mall with them to watch Johnny English. 10 people in the cinema, but laughing like there's 100 people. Sorry, that sounds a bit exaggerating. But yeah, the movie storyline is simple. It's Rowan Atkinson that is superb awesome. Having problem which restaurant to have lunch. That's a daily problem. Then it's arcade. Meh, arcade is really not my kind of thing. but hey! I definitely enjoyed the companions. :)

That's me and my hair back then. Because I chopped some off and got a weird fringe. 

Them. Happily racing together. 

Chocolates! Souvenir from a friend that came back from Langkawi. The Ferrero Rondnoir. :) 

Hey, I am back.

So I am back to blogging. It's the semester break now, and I haven't been blogging for 2 months now. There's just too many things had happened in this period of time. Everything had fallen apart. Nothing to look forward everyday. Life is a total dull. It's only tears. Flowing down so easily anytime, crying myself to bed every night. My tweets were emo everyday. I was devastated. I felt like I've lost something that had been part of me. Faking a smile seems harder than ever. Now that I am slowly picking up the pieces. Because I know there's nothing I can do to get it back to original, it had become a past now. Life still moves on as it still sound cliche. I don't know. I just don't know. anymore.

SUBS Inaugural Ball

Attended the first ball in my life. It's the SUBS inaugural ball held at Sunway Resort Hotel & Spa. Didn't wanna go at 1st because I was so broke and am still broke and the entrance ticket cost about 110 myr. My lovely unimates decided to pay for me as my early 21st birthday present. How sweet. But that also means that I wouldn't get any present next year. Meh. Almost all the unimates attended the ball. It was one great event and the lecturers' performance was awesome. Great night indeed. :)))

#1 Above: That's all the awesome lecturers in their superhero costumes! 

#2 Below: Our table. The theme was Hollywood you see. 

#3 right bottom : James Chuar (The most popular Year 2 student) Woohoo! 

#4 The August'10 Batch. Us. 

#5  Grace and Lavee. 

#6 The Xiegls sweetheart. 

#7 Bottom : Poyo!