-It's just a matter of getting used to it.-

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Page 60

Today is a very special day where the leaplings celebrate their birthday once every 4 years. I don't think I have any friends who were born on this day. But still, Happy Leap Year. We were given one extra day this Feb, so why waste it? Do something different today! Just a suggestion, not like I did something different today.

" I feel safer when I'm alone I know it sounds weird but there's something calming about the sound of silence and sitting by yourself to just listen."  -saw this somewhere in tumblr 

I've been thinking that perhaps I am a weirdo. Or maybe I really am. Even my brother thinks I am. I like to stay at home rather than going out if there's nothing to do outside. My point is most of the time I am the #foreverhomealone kid. In fact, instead of feeling frustrated being home alone because there's no one to talk to, I pretty enjoy myself being alone at home. 

It's always like that when I wake up, I find myself alone in the quiet house. I wear my big, loose and comfy pajamas and started doing my daily routine. I read the newspaper, I do the laundry, I feed the boy, I make breakfast or maybe brunch for myself, I clean the house, I watch the tv. By the time I am done with all these, it's gonna be noon then. 

You see, I enjoy being alone and I really feel safer at home without the need to hold my bag and laptop all the time just like when I am outside. It get worse if I go to the cinema, the dark environment where you can't even see your steps and the risk of falling off the steps are pretty high. I check my belongings all the time just like a total paranoid. Sometimes, I think I have this paranoid personality disorder. But I guess it's just the insecure feeling that I have all the time. It's bothering me that I think I don't enjoy what I was doing with my friends. Just for example, watching movies in the cinema, I get so distracted by myself for checking my bag tonnes of time and not just sit back and watch the movie. 

What's wrong with me? This lil' monster inside me, I mean my insecure feeling making me restless and frustrated. and what worse is I don't know how to get rid of it. This just sucks. D: 

When I am at home, I tend to do weird things. I could sit somewhere else on the stairs and just do nothing. I sit there and enjoy the quietness at home, I look around and stare at the white walls. I just let my mind wander. Then I started thinking and pondering questions like what is life and what am I actually doing? The thing about being alone is so calm and relaxing. Life is great. 

Oh I guess by the time you finish reading this post, you will be so positive that I am a weirdo. Heh. 

So Feb ends like that. Hello to March? 

Reminiscence: The Pre-U days

1. Based on the picture, I guess we were having presentation. That's the 1st classroom I used in 
    college, the seminar room : loads of memories over there. 
2. Moral project : The charity bazaar. We sold ice-cream floats just like A&W's root beer float and it's 
    pretty interesting to sell stuff at the cafeteria. But the most difficult task was to sell coupons. Begging and     persuading people to buy overprice coupons were the most challenging task ever. 
3. Us being uhm I-don't-know-what-you-called before the class starts. Oh me and my short hair. haha! 
4. The gang. We spent loads of time in SSD, and there's this pool fever during one semester. Everyone 
    and everyday the classmates will play pool. That's something I never learn/know how to play still - lousy. 
5. Me and the #bff not concentrating during M'sian Studies class. We were listening to songs instead. The 
    class was too boring you see. 
6. Our English assignment which we needed to perform a play. I can't remember what's our story already. 
7. The days we work on our assignment in Irene's house. I miss them. :( 
8. The awesomest group ever - I think. Love them loads and ahhh we were always doing assignment 
9. That's the XIEGLS (in case you don't know, it's formed using our initials). Us surprised Irene during her 
    birthday outside her house with 5 McD's kidmeals for lunch. Hehe, the surprise part was fun!
10. Elaine & Irene : The Maths Genius. Maths is not my kinda thing. 
11. Grace & Elaine in the FIA's shirt @Sakae. I can remember pretty clearly that was the time they were     
      rehearsing for their student-exchange-interview. 
12. That's taken in front of Khairul's car, we were preparing to go out to search for the graduation party's 
      venue. That car park don't exist anymore since they are doing some digging work to build some freaking 
      tall building on that piece of land. And I am so not going to get to use that building. Le sigh. 
13. We were @papa johns celebrating Graceeeey, Cyntia and Aizat's birthday : The December Babies' 
14. Oh, that's my Xiegl celebrating my birthday @Red box. 
15. Finally after a year, it's graduation time. Love this picture the most!!! XIEGLS  
16. Some graduation picture with some of them. Did not managed to take many pictures since we had to 
      return the robe right after the graduation ceremony.
17. The informal graduation party with the lecturers @Amp Square. That night just felt like a big family 
      celebrating the end of something. Lecturers with their final thoughts on us, took pictures all the way, eat and talk, sing and dance. The unforgettable moment. 
18. Just like a FIA-gathering @Irene's house. It's actually a farewell party for Elaine since she was leaving to Korea for a year of student exchange program. 

The pre-u days had been one of the best moments in my life. A girl that had just left high school to college, there's so much to learn. The lecturers and all the classmates made me realized that I made the correct decision to leave form 6. I had so much fun and I changed so much in a year. From that timid shy girl to someone that could speak in public thanks to the presentations thou I always do something silly during presentations. But nvm, it kinda built my confidence. Also, the friends that are still accompanying me through my uni life. Although there are twist/separations in the friendship, we did had loads of fun together in that year. The lecturers that taught me so much that I changed the way of my thinking. It's a roller-coaster year filled with more happiness than sadness. Each and everyone of them taught me different things, made me realized some important things in life and they all inspired me in different ways. FIA Aug'09, you guys ROCK! This is my 3rd year in the same college/uni, but still the pre-u days was the most memorable ones.

Saturday, February 25, 2012


Hello, it's 249am now. I have been yakking away with Wan Ping. Noticing the list of people on fb chat getting shorter, I started noticing how late it is now. I cannot remember when was the last time I stay up this late, not to mention the assignment days which was only a week ago where I could stay up till 5am working on the magazine. I guess it must be the after effect of the nap I took in the evening. It always like that, nap makes my night longer. 

I have been doing some reflections tonight. I find myself very mean whenever there's something up with the friends. I ignore their text or calls most of the time if I don't know how to reply or what to reply or even don't feel like replying. I am not those that like to pick up calls, call me a weirdo. If you talk to me on the phone, very often you will find yourself doing all the talking as if talking to yourself or perhaps you would go like "hello, hello are you still there?'' because I tend to go like MIA in the middle. Nah, I do the listening all the way, perhaps am too quiet or what you would think that I went MIA. But of course, sometimes I don't go intentionally ignore your text or calls, it's just the time where I simply leave my mobile somewhere and just check it after some time. 

So there this friend who I kinda avoid because of certain reason like I don't know how to reject buying stuff from this friend. So I started telling all kinda lies which I feel bad actually. I have no courage to be honest to her because I thought it would hurt her. Yes that's an excuse, I have no courage to tell the truth is the fact. But after talking to a friend today, I think all the lies that I have said would hurt her more if she knows the truth. I mean true friends are not like this. They are supposed to be honest and accept who they are right? and not those that comment about them behind their back. Urgh, am sucha mean and lousy friend. I guess I just need another way to deal with this problem, avoiding ain't a solution. It just affects the friendship more. Perhaps I should be truthful to her, telling her what I am not interested in and asking her only to inform me things that I am interested in. Do you think this still sounds mean? But at least, I am being honest right? 

There are also times that I hate about myself. It's always like that, we are very close behind the screens, but when I see you, I tend to act like stranger as if we do not know each other. I avoid meeting your eyes, I run away from you when you come standing beside me like I am too afraid to let others know that we are actually very close. I do not know what's wrong with me, but I know something is wrong with me. It's all done unintentionally, I just do it naturally. Perhaps I am just those kinda of lousy friend. I told this to Graceey, and she tried to convince me it's normal because I was emo-ing about this whole thing that night. I get panic when I thought that friend noticed how I behaved and don't want to talk to me anymore. But yeah, I was just overreacting. The friend still talks to me. I really have to figure out what's wrong with me. Am i not being honest to my friends? Am I doing all these unconsciously? Am I taking my friends for granted? I really need to sort this out. 

Wan Ping left me and went to sleep. I think I should sleep now. It's 325am, good night and good morning. 

Thursday, February 23, 2012

The Thursday night

Oh hai, that's me with my best friend in the whole universe - Teddy. Oh excuse the sucky photo quality, my laptop's webcam kinda sucks. Sad case. Just a random update, I am currently on a study break. Kinda like a study break already since there's only 1 class left. Some people, I mean the buddy tries to make me feels guilty every time he talks to me as if I am supposed to study instead of hanging around on the internet world. Oh well, I know how to manage my time, meh x1000! This sem has been really interesting especially with my fav lecturer teaching the subject! 3 days of class a week, sigh i wish time don't flies. It too soon to bid this short sem goodbye. Assignment for this sem was pretty interesting, creating a magazine of ourselves from scratch! So much to learn, but I think I learn photoshop skills pretty much. Of course, the basic ones, but still it's more than enough. Heh! Alright, I shall update more, exam comes 1st. 

My current fav song. Bon Iver's I can't make you love me. 

That's all for now. (: 

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Saturday Like This

It's Saturday like this where I slack around being home alone and decided to post something random which happened not long ago. Went on a KLCC trip with the assignment groupmates for the plan to spend time in Kinokuniya and also taking group photos. Those food pictures below are taken in Umai-ya. Ahh, I can't remember the names of the food. Heh! 

Am lovin KL as always. I don't mind getting stranded in the jam, looking out at the window at all these  buildings. Yeah, people are saying that's because am not the driver. Heh, I will figure out that soon. Ahhh I am missing my previous home with all these amazing skyscraper view over the balcony. Seeing those large fireworks everytime there's event going on. The city is just beautiful even if it's foreverjam. It's meant to be. It shows how alive the city is. :)

Friday, February 17, 2012

Updates & bff's Birthday

Hey, I have been busy with assignment which explains my long hiatus. Having to meet daily dateline, yes daily dateline, you did not see wrongly, that's how our leader pushed us to the maximum limit. Still, I guess I kinda enjoy that. Something that prevents me from procrastinating. So much had happened during this long hiatus, the cny house visiting, assignment visiting to KLCC, the V-day. Life is fine at the moment with time spending mostly in uni from morning till night, getting 5 hours of sleep everyday, staring at the computer screen more than the time I spent in class a day, using the mouse more often than usual, getting familiar with photoshop. Finally am staying at home on a thursday and friday which I don't have class. Feeling the blissfulness of not having alarm to wake me up at 6 every morning. Taking my own sweet time doing stuff that I like. Ahhh :))) 

It's the #bff's birthday today. Happy 21st to the 9 years friend! Glad that the friendship made through this far and am sure there's more to go. She's a friend from high school that I think we met each other on the 1st day of school and we sat together for 3 whole years since the 1st day of school too. We talked about almost everything, from friends to family to cars to drama to everything. Ahhh, and we do have the same interest in looking at cars. She's the one I share secrets with, the only one that I could talk on the phone with for hours without getting tired. Even if there's silence on the phone, it's definitely not awkward silence. Though we are apart most of the time, the phone is the connector! We don't talk to each other everyday, we don't text everyday, but still the friendship remains strong. *amproudofus! We shall celebrate our 10th year friendship next year in 1 year time. Sometimes, I do feel lousy as a friend especially today! It's your 21st birthday but there's no surprise at all and very un-glamorous. Just a simple spending time together and pizza delivery. But I guess it's enough for both of us, that's the way we are. 
You know I love you! x