" I feel safer when I'm alone I know it sounds weird but there's something calming about the sound of silence and sitting by yourself to just listen." -saw this somewhere in tumblr
I've been thinking that perhaps I am a weirdo. Or maybe I really am. Even my brother thinks I am. I like to stay at home rather than going out if there's nothing to do outside. My point is most of the time I am the #foreverhomealone kid. In fact, instead of feeling frustrated being home alone because there's no one to talk to, I pretty enjoy myself being alone at home.
It's always like that when I wake up, I find myself alone in the quiet house. I wear my big, loose and comfy pajamas and started doing my daily routine. I read the newspaper, I do the laundry, I feed the boy, I make breakfast or maybe brunch for myself, I clean the house, I watch the tv. By the time I am done with all these, it's gonna be noon then.
You see, I enjoy being alone and I really feel safer at home without the need to hold my bag and laptop all the time just like when I am outside. It get worse if I go to the cinema, the dark environment where you can't even see your steps and the risk of falling off the steps are pretty high. I check my belongings all the time just like a total paranoid. Sometimes, I think I have this paranoid personality disorder. But I guess it's just the insecure feeling that I have all the time. It's bothering me that I think I don't enjoy what I was doing with my friends. Just for example, watching movies in the cinema, I get so distracted by myself for checking my bag tonnes of time and not just sit back and watch the movie.
What's wrong with me? This lil' monster inside me, I mean my insecure feeling making me restless and frustrated. and what worse is I don't know how to get rid of it. This just sucks. D:
When I am at home, I tend to do weird things. I could sit somewhere else on the stairs and just do nothing. I sit there and enjoy the quietness at home, I look around and stare at the white walls. I just let my mind wander. Then I started thinking and pondering questions like what is life and what am I actually doing? The thing about being alone is so calm and relaxing. Life is great.
Oh I guess by the time you finish reading this post, you will be so positive that I am a weirdo. Heh.
So Feb ends like that. Hello to March?